Puppy love.

The first time around, I was struck by his beauty. He was sleek, fashionable, and just a touch dark and edgy. He was full of personality, but at times overdid it. He had his moments where he made me so proud, but I never trusted him 100%. There were countless times he embarrassed me, increasingly so towards the end. 

He lashed out at my friends, and eventually my family, but it wasn’t until he did it to me that reality finally sank in. My priorities had changed, and he no longer proved himself worthy of being a priority in my life. He went on to someone new right away, and I immediately felt relief when it was over.

I was confident it was the best decision for both of us, but still, I felt some level of shame. I felt as though maybe I could have done more. Maybe I had expected too much of him? Maybe I had set the bar impossibly high? 

But still, I was happier without him, almost immediately. I barely missed him for a moment.

This time, you came into my life when I knew I wasn’t quite ready for you. 

Things were too unpredictable. My heart yearned for too much change, and I couldn’t be tied down to someone else, not yet. But from the moment I first held you, when I chose you, I was instantly smitten. 

I adore everything about you. You delight me in every way. We are kindred spirits. True friends. I feel a certain type of telepathy with you, a depth of communication that doesn’t require words. A complete understanding between us.

And with that, total trust. It is so refreshing, and so freeing. Because I know with certainty that this is the kind of love I will do anything for. No obstacle is too much as long as it means we can be together. You inspire me to do more. You breathe energy into my days that isn’t there when you’re not with me.

But not anymore. 

I realize now I didn’t have the right to love you the way I did.  I realize now I was foolish to let myself fall so hard when our future wasn’t certain. 

I knew there was someone else, but I forced myself to think they wouldn’t mind, that eventually they would let you go. It was too painful to imagine a future without you, so I chose to see things not as they are.

But of course they wouldn’t let you go. 

You are perfect in every way. Anyone who meets you instantly loves you, and not just because of your striking beauty or smarts. If you were mine, I would never let you go, so how cruel of me to ask someone else to do the same?

I know a love like this won’t be easy to find again. My heart already aches for you, with heavy sobs while you sit beside me. But I have no choice. You are not mine to love like this. 

I must let you go.

Editor’s Note: Thankfully this story ultimately had a happy ending and the imagined adventures have only just begun :’)

Published by @austin.georgette

Just carving out a little safe space on the internet while I figure the rest out. Stay tuned for all things travel, food, meditation, and general life updates. #QuarterLifeAwakening

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