It was cold. It was rainy. It was 10:30pm. I still had 3 more long work days ahead of me. On any other night, I would have been more than content with a shower, a snack, and snuggling into bed with Netflix.
But tonight was different.
Tonight we had plans.
Plans we’d talked about all week.
But they had changed.
As I was walking into work, I received a text saying that I could take the night off – something we’d hoped would happen all week.
My old self would have frantically texted or called you to see if we could make it work. I would have taken the night off with the hopes of seeing you. If you had decided you wanted to stick to our plan, our change of plans, that is, I would have been devastated and created a narrative in my mind of reasons you’re mad at me, or things I did wrong. I might have cried (#cringe). I would have spiraled out of control, emotionally. By the time I heard from you again I’d have a bad attitude out of (seemingly) nowhere. I might have seemed a little crazy. I might have been a little crazy.
But instead, I knew that there was likely a miscommunication at work. I knew one of my coworkers desperately wanted the night off so she could go to her friends birthday, so I offered to work for her. I saw that rush of adrenaline in her expression when she heard those most holy words “you’re cut.”
And so I worked outside on the patio all night, in the rain, in 50 degree weather. I didn’t make great money. But it was just another night, and despite feeling off, I chose to just move through the feelings and stay quiet.
I was texting with a friend and she said “you should treat yourself tonight .” And I thought yes actually, I should. So I’m writing this from the car, about to shower and put on cozy clothes and eat burrata in bed. My ideal night, really.
So it’s just another night. And I feel like that’s growth.