Sometimes I forget about John Mayer.
Yeah, the singer. Like I’m actually a pretty big John Mayer fan (of both his music and his Instagram commentary). I know most of the words to most of his songs, but sometimes I just won’t listen to him for months at a time. But JMay (do people call him that) always beckons eventually.
Today was one of those days.
As I began a walk with the dogs, something struck me and I pulled up This is John Mayer on Spotify and settled in. I was listening to Still Feel Like Your Man and these lyrics jumped out at me:
still think I’m never gonna find another you
And for some reason, after hearing those lyrics a hundred times before, the truth of the statement just really hit me in the gut. I think that’s the hardest part of any breakup, and the reason so many struggle through on again, off again relationships. We’re so afraid that we’ll never be able to find someone else like them. Maybe someone better than them, but hopefully at least someone as good as them. Despite whatever their flaws may be, we wonder if it’s worth taking the gamble and throwing away a maybe-not-so-good-kinda-terrible thing in favor of…nothing?
I’ve been single for about 2 and half years after ending a good, albeit b o r i n g relationship. As of just recently, I feel pretty ok about it. It no longer feels like being single is just the default option – I’m actually embracing the freedom and selfishness that being on my own allows me. Am I open to whoever might be put in my path? Yes, absolutely. But for the first time since I can remember, I am not actively seeking a partner and letting that pursuit dictate my behavior.
What do I mean, letting it dictate my behavior? I think most of us are guilty of it.
Do you ever go out when you’d rather stay in because you just might meet someone, or at least get some much needed attention? Have you convinced yourself to stay for one drink longer just because your future husband might be about to walk through the door? How many times have you allowed yourself to be dragged to a party you don’t want to go to on the off chance that so-and-so might stop by?
I’m not judging any of those behaviors. I’ve been guilty of all of them over and over again. Sometimes it’s really fun. But I’ve been at that game for too long and I’m over it.
As part of this transformation I’ve been going through, I am way more in tune with what I really want, and I’m getting better at letting those desires win. If I get an invite to go out after working a long double and being on my feet all day, I really consider whether that’s something I actually want to do, or if I just feel a sense of obligation. Would future Austin be happier in bed with the dogs watching Netflix? Usually the answer is yes.
Sorry, I’m rambling. It seems I’ve forgotten about John Mayer once again.
I began this whole musing on the idea that we are all so deeply afraid that if we let a person go, we might not get someone else in return. I think what I’ve realized is that when you’re truly happy and living more in alignment with who you are and what you need, that fear gets smaller. Sure, sometimes it creeps up at moments of vulnerability and sure, I’d love to meet someone eventually. But even if I never find another you, I’ve already found me.